Thank You Serendipity

This morning after my meditation I was inspired to open to a random page in Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet and share what it inspired within me. 

I opened the book randomly.

“And a woman spoke, saying, Tell us of Pain. And he said: Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; And you would accept the seasons of your heart even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief. Much of your pain is self chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility: For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen, And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned by the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.”

Whoa… Wow… I giggled to myself, as of course this was the perfect piece of writing that symbolizes my life’s adventure. Many who have known me have long since teased me about my serendipitous gift, the one that lets me see the magic of uncanny moments and those divine intersections that the cosmos lay down for us. Today was no exception. 

This excerpt resonates for my life thus far in its entirety. It created a perfect container for an initial blog. It is only now that I can engage and write from a space that isn't so much an unhealed ego looking for recognition or attention, as it is more from vulnerability, a challenging space of sharing my true self, as I am today. I say challenging because putting intimate details of my life and my perspectives into the public feels quite daunting. 

I have had a colorful history working as a professional in the healing arts. Due to the nature of this deeply personal work, it has given me a unique window into how others experience not only their bodies, but how they experience themselves. I have been a witness to a great range of human conditions, from births to deaths and much of what lies between. All the while I was (still am) a humble student of life. When not humble, the Universe humbled me. I was dealt a seriously large dose of pain; physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.  I truly believe that on some level I chose to learn lessons needed in this life to become who I am. I don't think, but not sure here, that I preordained a life that was inclusive of grieving young friends’ deaths, narrowly escaping death on a number of occasions myself, many heartbreak-opens, over a decade long battle with autoimmune issues and Lyme disease coupled with the endless myriad of symptoms that it entailed, and a complex spinal fusion in the midst of the Lyme debacle.  I am fairly certain the derailment of what I believed was a beautiful trajectory of my happy, vivacious life in my early 30s wasn't actually mapped in detail. I don't think I specifically laid out my path and chose to not have children, or any animals for the last 15 years and to be without a true place to call home for a good portion time…

I do, however, believe full heartedly that I came to this world to learn how to love and be love and what resulted was this brilliant life full of humor infused exploration, witnessing, celebrating, troubleshooting, dismantling, reconstructing, shedding, and integrating lessons learned along the way to be where I am now. I am here today more joyous than ever, deeply contented, connected, and inspired by the future, past and present. I am here because I trusted the physician within and I spent a major portion of my days drinking my remedy in silence and tranquility. Truth be told in anguish and resistance as well… but eventually being guided by the tenderness of love, the whispers of my soul, I rediscovered a softer version of myself. 

The quieter I become, the easier it is to surrender into what I am. I am the Potter and my clay has been moistened by rivers of tears over the years. It is the journey through my pain and grief that has freed my soul. In this life I will continue to be the human soul I am catching up with the higher self, or god like state, but… that process in and of itself is becoming more graceful and life that much more beautiful. All of this is enhanced, each season, every cycle. I’m learning more and more everyday about the How-to-do-this-true-love-thang, and it is full of wonder… 

Wherever you are in this very moment, the continual exploration invites you. Freedom and happiness beckon you from love in every corner of your soul’s suit.

 

Unveiling

Today marks a turning point, a shift, an evolutionary exhale in my creative expression.

In writing this blog, it is my intention to share my vulnerability, my intimate experiences of my soul revealing itself and the wisdom that is born from there. I ALLOW it to do what it will, without judgment. I believe we can pass the baton of wisdom to one another and that can serve as inspiration, a reminder of what one may already know, or plant a seed that will bear fruit in an upcoming season.

This turning point is a blip on the radar, minor in the scheme of things, yet simultaneously a life altering move. Unveiling my life process feels much grander than it actually is. Yet, parts of me that were fearful of judgment, rejection and being misunderstood in the past needed some loving attention. Living my life with greater awareness has dramatically transformed my relationship with fear. Meditation, one of my many tools, has been integral in allowing fears to rise, acknowledge them, not attach a big story to them, and release them. 

As I lean into this burning desire born of a rich and beautiful place within to share the lessons and wisdom I have come to know, I am releasing those old fears. I acknowledge them, let the story of them stalling me go, and I am free to move on. So here I am. Raw. Honest. Sometimes humorous. Perhaps wacky. Occasionally with a truck driver’s mouth and other times with eloquence (so I have been told).

Due to life circumstances of the past, my sweet little being and body got pretty banged up over the years, but I wouldn't change a thing. I may have wished a million times over for circumstances to ease up or life's difficulties to disappear in the midst of rough chapters, but today I embrace it all. My life is a gift. I feel this in my soul and deep in my bones. I am incredibly blessed to be in a place in life to teach much of what I have learned. When we heal and gain clarity and insights, they are always universal human themes. The uniqueness of how I have experienced my life, and the healing and freedom that has come from there is what I wish to share.

Do you find yourself deeply connected to your wisdom, and only days later questioning it? Do you review your life experience and derive knowledge of yourself from a hindsight perspective that helps you forage the path before you with more grace? Can you laugh at yourself and bring light to the darker times?

May my heartfelt life adventures and expressions, internal and external, lend hope, inspiration, humor, and love to accompany you on yours.